….why paisley???

ben·e·fac·tor (bn-fktr)
n.
One that gives aid, especially financial aid.

for convenience sake, we will call my benefactor “ben”….

ben was born in 1931, in tomales california, in a little stilt house overlooking tomales bay… he was born to a first generation swedish farmer, and a second generation brit/scot woman, who fancied herself a blue blooded brit….dad, was a simple man,, a hard worker,, a loving husband, very old country… mother a “society girl” from san raphael,,, if only in her own mind…

they lived in the little stilt house, overlooking the bay,, and farmed oysters…they had no indoor plumbing, except for a pump in the kitchen,,a coal stove for heat and cooking, and no electricity… the neighbors in fact told his dad when they heard that mother was with child,, that the stilt house was no place to bring a wife,,, let alone raise a child…

but they stayed… and they got by… and they eventually bought another house,,, a two story on the site of the house in which i now live….

now by all accounts, mother was what we would call bi-polar…moody,, cruel… refined at times,, ruckus others… she took it upon herself to have an affair with a local man,, who as the story goes,,, was quite the ladies man,,, and whether or not this was her only foray,, no one knows… it only became knowledge as said ladies man was diagnosed with and died from syphilis… mother was spared… but tarnished in the process….

dad persevered and loved her even so….

but back to little “benny”…

he was,, by his own account raised with all adult peers.. the first time he ever was “thrust” {and i use that term visually, as it was a most traumatic event in his young life} into the company of the “little savages” other people called children,, was in kindergarten..

it was horrific.. his rendition of what school was like for him,, reads like a prison sentence… and to this date, he will recant it with fear and loathing….

the home life was female dominated… mother said jump,, and both dad and ben… just did it,, never even asked how high… they had created a vast pedestal for their “goddess”,, and it was from there that she ruled their worlds….she was given to fits of screaming and violence, threats and degradation… but to hear benny talk about her today,,, she was the love of his life… dads too… i told him just a week or so ago,, that, “it is always the ones that treat you the worst that you love the best.”… and he whole heartedly agreed….

benny was not “allowed” to indulge in things that normal children his age were taking part in… mother would never have it.. no school activities.. no contact with friends. no popular dress. {he still wears overalls every day of his life,, as that was suitable attire in his youth}, no popular music, {he, to this date, only listens to classical music, as music with words is not really music at all….},, and certainly,, no dating,, as men and their thoughts were evil.. this he had on not only mothers authority,, but that of grandma jessica,, his mothers “victorian” matriarch, as well…he followed dutifully in dads steps.. and worked the oyster farm… spent any free time in solitude, hiking, kayaking, swimming, in the beautiful tomales bay setting, that was home….

he never went off to college,, and was soon drafted, at a point where the war was over,, but there was maintenance work to be done in europe….mother wouldn’t have it… she threw a tizzy,, and wrote the draft board… she informed them that her dear, only begotten son, was , of all things,,, “a bed-wetter” and thus could not be fit for army service…..can you imagine the shame of having your own mother label you a “bed-wetter”,, so as to not allow you to do what she deemed unsuitable for you??? and as a matter of permanent record ??? i would have been forever devastated….

benny however thought mother was stoic in her beliefs,, he didn’t want to go into the army,, he didn’t want to leave his “sainted” mothers home….if she thought this was the proper approach… then it just was…

the draft board disagreed… he was boot camped,, and sent to france….where he had an office job and never saw anything even close to combat…..

the army, tho it had been known to do it for many,, never made a man out of our little benny….he hated it,, he hated them,, he learned nothing from his tour, but that he “was trained by the united states army to carry and discharge a weapon”… and to this day,, he carries a concealed revolver at all times… except when in my vehicle or my home,, as it is the manhood he never attained…

at some time in his deployment, i am not sure exactly when,,, mother died quickly of leukemia. both ben and dad never really recovered from that loss…

ben came home from the army, although he was involuntarily subjected to an additional four years “call for duty”…he was never recalled… he worked for the railroad, invested in real estate, maintained a devotion to dad….played chess… read non- fiction,, such as philosophy, and psychology,,, he still likes to quote nietzsche….didn’t date,, in fact was scared to death of women,,,, and it wasn’t until his father had remarried and his new wife’s family began to openly question his sexuality that he thought in terms of marriage…

he was well into his forties, when he met a little polish “princess”,, who claimed to be of russian royal lineage….who was twenty years his junior…and somehow the two of them ended up married…for nearly 10 years….

it was never a marriage based on anything like love… and the very idea that it was sexual in any way is repulsive to ben… he thinks french kissing is disgusting… and will be only too happy to recount for you, his failed attempts at sexual encounters with his wife…and then more discreetly,, as time wears on ,, he will admit that she had many affairs while they were married,, and he really only decided to grant her the divorce she so adamantly desired, when he found books she was reading on the perfect poisoning of an unsuspecting human…..

during the marriage, ben worked for the county,, he did surveying work,, and continued to invest in real estate… to this day, his ex wife owns half of everything they amassed while they were married those few short years,,, currently worth millions… on the occasion of her second divorce,, when ben asked her if she too thought they had an amicable divorce,,, she replied…” i was young and naive, had i known then what i know now,, i would have taken you for a lot more.”….sweet darling of a woman,,, don’t you agree?????

the divorce became legal in 1979. and ben has been a reclusive gent ever since… he wears his gray hair long and straight,, he is never seen in any attire except overalls… he fancies himself to look like geronimo… he even has a belt buckle that he wears every day so he can point out the similarities to you,, if there is any question….

for nearly 10 years, he lived in a chicken coop on one of his rental properties… no heat, no electricity, no running water…and if it wasn’t for the fact that he was in his sixties and could no longer withstand the cold of winter,, would probably still be there… i feel when i hear him talk about it that those were some of the happiest years of his life…

i came to know him about five years ago.. he was a patron of the restaurant i worked in and over the years, a certain familiarity came between us…he would sit for hours and drink full carafes of wine,, and tell me the same stories over and over again…he and i created a sort of friendship,, and unbeknownst to me,, i was and still am,, his only friend…

he told me a couple of years ago about this house,,, this little one bedroom that stood in the place of his childhood home,, which was purposely {by his account} set afire and burnt to the ground in the late 70’s, by some disgruntled tenants…

he said he traveled here once a month to collect the mail and make sure nothing was disturbed.. and asked if i would accompany him here,, as he has no valid license or plates or insurance on his truck, and felt at his age he might be denied a renewal,,, and thus refuses to make application….

i was happy to oblige.. i really didn’t have friends at the time,, many acquaintances,, but no real friends….and we set out early one rainy february morning…

i had never been to his house, accept to drop him off in the driveway after a long afternoon of wine and storytelling at the restaurant… so i was totally and completely unprepared for what awaited me inside the house…..

it was locked, locked again,, and triple locked.. it was alarmed and booby trapped to injure or incapacitate any and all comers… it was piled high with trash, smashed wine bottles, empty tins of salmon and sardines… it held years worth of old and now useless keepsakes, as the mold and dust had over come them… it was full of rat poison, dead mice,, a few dead birds…well to say the least i was unprepared…believe me when i say,, i am no domestic goddess,,, but this was totally another affair….

the house is situated on six acres of land… 2 of them usable, and four a steep wooded hill, separated by a creek,, that according to modern standards is situated way too close to the house…it is down stream from what used to be a dump,, and is now a ranch of sorts… so it is isolated and even tho you can be in town in moments,, from here you cannot see anyone or anything…

we made several trips over the coming months… wed stop for brunch and spent the time enjoying the drive and the conversation…on some occasions he would of his own volition present me with a $100.00 bill, as he had priced the ride in a taxi,, and it would be in excess of that each way had he been called upon to hire one… i graciously accepted,, making it very clear it was in no way necessary… we were after all friends….

idly in our conversations i told him how much i liked the privacy of the property,, the abundance of fruit trees, the wild flowers,, the huge camellia and tulip trees that graced the totally overgrown property…and he confided in me that over the years it had become somewhat of a depository of both his love and his anger at his parents.. it was a shrine of sorts,, where he harbored all his anger and evil… he even went to far as to nail a plaque to the front door that says “ye midden”..roughly translated from the old scotch,, it means.. “the trash heap” or the “ash bin”… the plaque remains…..

time passed and the restaurant changed hands.. the new management was hiring all young girls and requiring short black skirts as the proper uniform…. and i,, at nearly forty five was no longer a hot commodity… i was forced to seek other employment,, and for some reason,, a job was not as readily available to me,, as it has always been,,, i could quit one this morning and have another by afternoon…. but as the fates would have it,, no one was jumping at the chance to hire me…

it was then that we began talking about me moving here,, to the country,,,ben knows how much i love my dogs and where i was living had a small fenced yard,,, but it was all cement,, and not conducive to much more than laying in the sun…he suggested i move here for the summer,,, it was beautiful in the summer he said… tho the winters could be a bit rougher, as it is situated close to the coast…i thanked him,, but told him i am not in the market for a temporary thing,,, moving was too stressful to do it under the guise of just being there a few months….

weeks past and he had come to the conclusion that if i was willing,, he would like to have me live in the old house… it had sat idle, except for his brief angry, drunken visits… for in excess of 12 years,,, ever since he had found his father two weeks dead on the bedroom floor…..

i pondered it and agreed that if i could find employment, i would do it… it is a small community,,, very small… like maybe 500 people…max..so i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to find employment, as i hadn’t had very good luck in the larger city in which i was currently living…i applied at three places and had a job the next day……

it was as if, once again, the fates had smiled upon me,, and made a decision i was unable to make for myself…..

i moved in 6-1-06….i pay no rent…i maintain all of my own expenses…i care for the house and the property…mow the yard, pick the fruit,, stuff like that,, things he used to have to pay someone to do…. he pays for any repairs or improvements…it works out nicely for both of us…

ben comes down,, or i go get him,, most of the time,, as he still is not in favor of rectifying his drivers license and plates situation…. and i think i have scared the be-jesus out of him when i explained to him that the police are not going to honor his advanced age,,, “native” status,, or the fact that he was “trained by the united states army to carry and discharge a weapon” if they pull him over for expired plates and find him in possession of a concealed,, loaded weapon….

as it is with any relationship in life… it defiantly has its drawbacks… we are about as unmatched a pair there ever was… but he gives me the feeling that i have given his life importance,,, and he is ever so much less alone since he has me in his life… and that, in itself, gives me joy…..

i panic at times when i know he is coming,,, as i am so accustomed to being alone,, and any infringement on my time is literally painful… but i have always been selfish,, and even in the face of all his generosity,,, this flaw in my character rears its ugly head…

bens greatest fear is to become incapacitated and be put in a home in his old age,, as he has no wife, nor prodigy to care for him… i have assured him i will never let that happen. i have allowed him to maintain the only bedroom in the house,, and i live in the great room as a sort of studio,,, as someday,, he may have to be with me full time… but then again,, his father lived to be 103… so he may end up caring for me,,, you never know….

in conversation, he has said numerous times that he will leave me this house and enough income, or money, i am unclear, so as to make sure i can maintain it into my golden years… nothing has transpired legally,, but i haven’t even been here a year,, and i certainly don’t push him about finalizing anything in that area.. i am grateful on a daily basis, that i have at this point in my life,, been blessed with such a living arrangement,, and should it not last forever,, that doesn’t tarnish the blessing it is today….

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