i called her today.. i called her because i wanted to tell her how much i loved her,,
how much she means to me.. how she had once been the very center of my world…
and no one had ever been able to take her place…
but instead we talked about the weather,, and her class reunion
and the way that age had of making things that once seemed all important
bleed and fade like the ink on the unpreserved page….
i called her today,, i wanted to remind her that she was my first love
that i had never loved anyone as much as i loved her,,
that it was her love that had made all other loves possible..
and against which they would all forever be judged
but instead i told her about the the poem i had written,, and the book i think i may well never finish,,
we talked about the garden and the dogs and the man who said he would come to cut the grass,,
but never did…
i called her today my heart so full of love,, my mind overflowing with memories
of the times we spent in each others arms,, the tender goodnight kisses,, the loving glances
that stripped me of my insecurities and made me feel as if i could conquer the world….
but instead i told her that i would talk to her later,, as this long distance was costing me a fortune…..
and anyway,, i should be feeding the cat,, and getting the dogs in for dinner,, or folding the clothes
that finished drying an hour or so ago….
i called her today,, with every intention of making today the day i told her
all the things that have been weighing so heavily on my heart,,
all the things i have wanted to say for so long but had never garnered the courage to do so,,
all the things i don’t want either of us to ever leave this world without me having said…
but instead i waited until after we had said our good byes,, and added,, almost as an after thought,, “mama… i love you…”
photo:
http://fc07.deviantart.com/fs7/i/2005/203/8/5/a_phone____by_Gazo.jpg
May 4th, 2008 at 4:26 am
paisley,
I know writing comes difficultly for you…;)…, but you could drop her a note, letter even, why you could even send her this poem. Or you could let the phone call say what was unsaid, but surely understood….I called to chat because you are important to me.
Your poem? It’s like a bloom in spring , a daffodill exploding with love.
rel
rels last blog post..
May 4th, 2008 at 5:14 am
Yes, Rel said what I was thinking, send her this poem, it is beautiful.
Jos last blog post..Pssssssssst
May 4th, 2008 at 6:04 am
i can totally relate, and i keep telling myself, she knows how much i love her because i know how much she loves me and still it’s not the same as the words being spoken.
Leigh Lears last blog post..To write or not to write…..
May 4th, 2008 at 6:10 am
Awww! That ending is great.
Noahs last blog post..Family
May 4th, 2008 at 6:28 am
Some people aren’t used to these deeply felt emotions being spoken aloud. Sometimes just the call about the weather and laundry speaks volumes.
May 4th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Oh, Paisley, what a deeply touching post. Truly. I think moms know. They just know that kind of thing. You said “I love you” a million times over in that conversation, and she heard you loud and clear. xoxo
May 4th, 2008 at 9:47 am
I’m with Julia and HollyGL. As good as this poem is there’s no way to describe the love you two feel for each other. Language has its limitations. (Although very few in your case.)
Greybeards last blog post..“whippin’ post”
May 4th, 2008 at 10:53 am
and the way that age had of making things that once seemed all important
bleed and fade like the ink on the unpreserved page….
Oh Jodi…..that sentence was perfectly worded.
I absolutely LOVED this piece.
I am going to tell my mom I love her right now……
meleah rebeccahs last blog post..Pick A Lane
May 4th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Beautiful. This is dripping with genuine emotion and feeling.
DBA Lehanes last blog post..The Coming of Ice
May 4th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Yes, I have added those two blogs to Poem Poem Poem and to Free Poems.
We put you toward the top of the list.
Would your two blogs like to link back to Free Poems and Poem Poem Poem?
May 4th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Awr.
Thats cute.
x0x
May 4th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
sometimes just calling says all those things..
May 4th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Everyone loves their mum!
Steves last blog post..Identity ………….Writer’s Island
May 4th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Guilty.
I did it too..today as a matter of fact…left saying it right until the very end. Every once and a while I do phone her just to tell her but it could NEVER be enough. Still I know that she appreciates it.
Hopefully my children will understand how important it is.
Donns last blog post..
May 4th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
You have captured so well how hard it can be to say what you really feel. Dancing around the subject is often easier than just spitting it out. This was sorrowful in many ways but also hopeful. I have also spent my time talking about the weather instead of saying what I really meant to. You’ll be able to say it one day. Don’t worry.
Selmas last blog post..May Day, May Day.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:33 am
paisley, I added the categories to your post on Poems and Stories as you requested. And yes, I agree to your conditions. I had already upgraded your status to author but I didn’t realize you still could not add categories! So now I have upgraded you to Editor, which will allow you to do that and a lot more.
But I trust you won’t abuse it to capitalize other people’s posts. Thank you so much for your contribution, I look forward to receiving more.
Just a question - do you mind if I add tags and/or meta data (title, description, keywords) to your posts? If you say no that is fine with me. Just checking.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:54 am
This is so touching … I’m sure mothers know … no matter what … but every now and then it’s nice to hear it out loud … so just send her this poem … it can’t get any louder
Fennys last blog post..The Woman In The Mirror
May 5th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Dear Sweet Paisley girl, I KNOW exactly how you were feeling. It is SO hard to express the feelings we have to someone who is unapproachable and/or distant. That you Needed to say those words.. well, I think that is so wonderful and as a Mom, I Need to give you loving advice… Send her this touching, loving poem. If she isn’t the type of Mom who would totally understand it. (speaking from experience about my own mom) Write another, with words from your heart that she can read over and over and hopefully always treasure. ( this is a perfect upcoming weekend for it)
(you DO know? You REALLY REALLY move me) ♥
lucys last blog post..The wobbly years
May 5th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
I liked this very much, almost made me cry. It always feels nice to me when I express these things on paper then go forward with the action. You are very talented
williams last blog post..pushing on?!?!?
May 5th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
why r things which should be said, the most difficult things to say….? this is such a touching poem…
this would be a poem to treasure, for the one it is meant for…
sumas last blog post..Questions!!!
May 6th, 2008 at 7:30 am
i have made that call a hundred times… i often wonder why, if i can think it, can i not say it.
sigh. Good job on the writing…
jorc709s last blog post..come to me
May 9th, 2008 at 6:48 am
The ending came a bit unexpected, but yea, you captured a bit of harsh reality here. We always intend to do certain things and then for some reason, some silly silly reason, we don’t dare, or forget for just a sec, and then before we know it, it’s too late to say anything and yea. Life’s a bitch, ain’t it
Manictastics last blog post..Those faithful days filled with fantasy are just the beginning of the end.